Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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