went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
