I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
