The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
bring money and cleavage
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
