i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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