im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
