and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
