something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
