Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
