I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
