My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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