i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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