Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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