He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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