sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
