u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
well you can't waste a boner
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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