He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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