I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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