my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I will pee on everything he values.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
