when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
