Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
