did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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