We're facebook friends in real life
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
