so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
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how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
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Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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