Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
