kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Found your dick twin last night
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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