So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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