My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
so much tequila, so little girl.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
