I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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