You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
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Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.