Me. At least after what I've been through.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Drake has all the answers
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!