Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting