hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Your mankini haunted my dreams.