can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.