UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
True strength comes from lack of pants
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet