Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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