There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
