a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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