Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize