i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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