Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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