I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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