I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
