nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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