What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm jealous of your bromance
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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