Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Randomize
