non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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