Swine flu. Run for my life!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
