I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
