We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
