There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
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Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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