Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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