i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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