If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
