I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
