I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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