Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
