I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
