So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
