I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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