I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
