I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
