got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
