The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
