Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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