I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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